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| Tea of the day - Blackcurrant tea ALWAYS WITH A SPLASH OF MILK! |
A højskole is not a normal school. It's a place where you have the space to be who you are. People are expected to accept each other's differences. It's okay to be you, if you let it be okay to be me. Where - on this school - you could express yourself in art, in music, in your movies, in dancing, in creating. You live there, breathe there, are there. It's your new home if you let it be.
There were all kinds of people, not only Danes. There were people from Japan, Poland, South Africa, Lithuania, Norway, Sweden! Even more places, but I cannot remember it from the top of my head. I'm not sure if all højskoler here in Denmark take in international students, but, Odder does, and it's awesome.
I never thought I would call it my home. I'm a very insecure and anxious human being. And on January 8th I arrived to this strange place that would be my home for the next 5 months. I was scared, insecure, anxious, a hint of depressed but also excited. It was a very scary thing, being around all these new people after half a year away from most other people (I worked in a daycare) and suddenly I had to be around all these people 24/7. And believe me, the start was rough. I hated it. I hated being there, I hated being around everyone, I hated talking to people. It was so hard for me, I stayed in my room, refused to go to the dining room and eat. I went to most of the social things our teachers and the staff made for us. I tried hard to become a part of this new small society, this new world. But.. I didn't dig it.
One night, a guy I've only seen around, never said hi to, asked me if I wanted to come out and talk. And there was this other girl, who was sitting out in my corridor kitchen too. (If you read this, you know who you are) And.. They kinda put some strength in me. They said that, it's okay to be insecure and scared. It's okay to not feel like this is the greatest thing in the world, but it'll come. And I shouldn't feel lonely. And inside, I wanted to cry in happiness, I wasn't the only one. It gave me that push towards trying to become a part of it all.
So I started talking to people more. Joining other's conversations in class. I attended meals, first sitting next to my mentor - which I will talk about a bit more later. But just being there for meals was huge for me. Later, the guy who talked to me about being insecure and scared, made me eat with him. Giving me a new boost of security and confidence.
But, not to make it sound like everything was ih and oh so wonderful from now on, because it wasn't. I still had the days where I would step back, not talk and sit by my mentor and eat. I still had days where I felt insecure and lonely. At one point I wanted to leave the school, for ever. But I got up again and those days got more and more rare.
Then one day, Nor invited me to join him at dinner. Normally I was only there for lunch, I skipped other meals. But this evening, I sat by him. And two girls, Mathilde and Tess. And, from that evening, I found some great friends. (Nor, Toby, Jess, Tess, Ewa, Mathilde, Jaqb, Mads <3) I quickly came into a little group of friends, and that really saved me from loneliness. It was there I belonged, it was with them, in their little world. We were all so different, but also very alike in a way. That's maybe what made us hold together as much as we did.
My mentor was also a big part of the stay. I'm not like most people. I depend on a lot of people in my life, and it sucks. But that's just me, I need that helping hand to keep me up. And that helping hand on Odder was my lovely mentor Heino. I'm so glad I got him as my mentor. I'm so glad I got to know him. He had a huge impact on my stay there, and on me. He's not just my mentor, he's my friend. He told me I could do it, when I didn't believed it. He saw every little thing I did as a victory. "Oh you sat with Nor and the others at dinner? That's so great! Then maybe you can sit with them at lunch tomorrow?" We sat goals together, and it was like having a big brother supporting you through everything. He saw me at my worst, at my best. But he still wanted to help me, he didn't give up on me. You have no idea how many people I've had giving up on me, but he was stubborn. He saw me get better, he saw me involve into a better and happier me.
The teachers there were great. Nice people, understanding people. If you had an off-day, it was okay, you could just take it your own speed. I took art classes, psychology, music and pottery classes. Normally you pick a line, like the art line, or Film and TV production line. But I was a bit all over the place.
I loved my teachers. My voice and singing teacher gave me a huge confidence boost in my singing. My art teacher showed me that it's okay not to be the greatest new artist, as long as you love what you do. My psychology teacher showed me to look at myself from a different angle, see other people in other ways. My band and choir teacher also gave me a confidence boost, and challenged me and my voice. My pottery teacher was just awesome.
And even though I wasn't in other classes, the teachers would still have an impact on you. One of the film crew teacher was just so nice and helpful. If he saw you sitting alone somewhere, he would sit down with you and not really ask. Just sit there so you weren't alone. The teachers there quickly became your friends too.
Overall, I'm glad I did this. Of course a lot of things could have went better, but.. You have no idea how happy I've been. How long ago I've felt so happy for a place, for some people. My family noticed a huge difference, I was happy, I was bubbly. I haven't been like that for years. I'm a lot more confident, I'm still anxious, but it won't ruin me. For example, I dare to sing in front of people now. I've never felt so confident about my singing as I've been after being on Odder. (Helene, thank you <3)
I trust people more, I trust that if I let them close, they won't leave any more. And if they do, it's okay. Then I don't need them in my life any ways.
8/1/2012 - 9/6/2012. The best months in my life. If you ever think about wanting to get away for a bit, go to Odder.
If you're still here, respect. Have a nice Sunday, lovelings.
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