Pretty.

I sometimes wonder what it’s like to be pretty

To have long silky hair
And always talk so witty
But instead of walking I would float through the air

I wonder what it’s like to have big blue eyes
A smile as white as snow
And lips so soft it could be a lie
To have skin so perfect it could glow

I wonder what it’s like to have a small waist
To have the perfect curves
And a pair of breast that a perfectly placed
It would get on any boy’s nerves

I wonder what it’s like to get all the flirty looks
To bat my long lashes
And then hide behind my books
Maybe see his dreams burn to ashes

I wonder what it’s like to be adored
To be loved by everyone
I will always be ignored
Because I’m just the ugly one

Never will I be pretty
My reflection is not my friend
And all I feel is self-pity 
With a single stroke, my ugly life will end.

Hold me, close.

“Calm down, deep breaths”

My body is shivering, but not because it’s cold

There’s a war in my head I can’t control

Sometimes they declare peace

But then they want to fight again.

“Can you hear me? Hush hush, it’ll be fine”

The screams are getting louder and louder

Everything is black, but no one turned out the lights

Every sound gets distant, but no one made me deaf

All senses get weaker, I know I’m losing myself.

“Come on, I know you’re there, you just need to breathe”

They don’t stop, they won’t stop

Screaming, yelling, a thousand voices trapped in my head

Telling me all sorts of bad things

I can’t feel my body, it’s like I’m not there

“Please, calm down”

I can hear my own moan, feel my tense muscles

Someone’s grabbing me, I can feel you

I grab onto you, help me, help me

I can’t force the words out of my mouth, help me

“I’m here, don’t worry, I’m here”

You let go, no, no, don’t let go

DON’T LET GO, DON’T LEAVE ME

There it is again, the warmth, I can feel it

Don’t let me go, please stay

“I’m here! I’m here! Okay, I’m here, I won’t leave!”

I wish they would stop screaming so I could hear you voice

Pull me out of the war zone, I beg you

Am I crying? I feel warmth streaming down my face

Are you crying too, are you as scared as me?

“It’ll be okay, I promise, it’ll be okay, I’m scared too”

I feel lips on my forehead, a hand on my cheek

My head is calming down, I hear your voice

Have you been here all the time?

I still can’t let go, I’m scared

“It’s okay, I won’t move, take your time”

You didn’t leave me, you didn’t let go

The voices were wrong

You stayed, you stayed with me

I love you, and you stayed

“Of course I stayed, I love you. Now rest, it’s been a harsh evening”

You tug my into your chest, I can hear your heart beat

You’re warm and comforting

I’m so tired, it’s like I’ve been fighting dragons and ninjas

Instead I’ve been fighting myself

“I hope you know I’ll never leave. You mean too much to me”

And then I drift into dream land, you tug me in tight

You’re my real life knight

And I’m your messed up princess

We’ll make it through together, in my twisted reality, as long as you hold me, close.

My bedroom is my castle!

Since Seanie went back to England I've been kind of obsessing over my room. Moved things around a bit, tried to organise things better, throw out/give away stuff I don't need, put stuff away I don't use. I am a pretty neat person, I like things to have a place, a home, but it's always when I'm feeling down I get obsessive. It keeps my head occupied when I'm not feeling well, and honestly, I'm not doing well right now.

As I keep telling Seanie, my snuggle'meter and hug'o'meter are running low. Sad kitty wants her cuddle human back. Now please :-( But on the bright side, I'm off to London in a bit over 2 months. And then I'm bringing Seanie with me home for 2 months (BLESS HIS LONG UNI HOLIDAYS). I can't wait.

So there's this guy I like ♥

No matter how annoying you can get, you'll always be the first to make me smile. I love this man and he loves me back. Isn't that the best fairytale a girl could want? Unfortunately I cannot be with my love, only on Penguin (Chinese version of messenger since messenger closed down). 

Today also happens to be my beloved grandfather's birthday. He would have been head over heels with happiness if he knew my anniversary was on his birthday. But I like to think he's up there with the stars looking down on me, being proud of me. 

Lots of love from this happy heart ♥

Spring Nail Polish Picks

From left:
Rimmel London - High Energy
Essie - Fear & Desire
Rimmel London - Just Buy Me
Essie - Mojito Madness
Essie - Bikini So Teeny
Sally Hanson - Pacific Blue
Revlon - Charming
Essie - Off The Shoulder

Being a distant lover.

My mother and I just dropped off Seanie at the airport. This time has been the worst to say goodbye. The past 8 months has been a living hell for us. I was getting really ill, my school didn't work out and I was in general not with it. Seanie started uni and suddenly felt the loneliness kick in since he - as I am - is a really shy person. We nearly broke up in late January because everything got too much. But we made it, we survived it, and he finally came to see me again after 8 - nearly 9 - months. And now he's gone. And I'm in pieces.

I appreciate every single second I have with him. I love that every time I blink he'll be there again when I open my eyes. Not just gone, like in my dreams. But these past 8 months has broken me. I'm not myself anymore. I'm much more reserved and quiet. I tend to avoid any kind of social interaction, because it makes my head hurt and my anxiety start kicking in. I don't enjoy reading anymore or even listening to music. I don't do as many creative things as I used to. All the things I love, I push aside because breathing is all I can do without having to think about it too much.

But when Seanie's here.. I'm Malle again. I laugh, I feel, I'm there. I sing again, I listen to music, I want to be creative, I want to read and to go for walks in the woods and feel the wind on my face. I'm craving life, I'm craving living. And I know you should never rely on a human being with yourself and your feelings. But when you're as broken as me, those things become your everything.

And he understands it. He knows I need him. He, my mother, my brother and dog are the only reasons I'm still alive. Else I would have killed myself long ago. And it's so bad and not healthy. But I'm addicted to Seanie, because I want to be alive.

So 10 days have passed. They haven't been perfect. But they have been imperfectly perfect. And that's good enough for me. But I crave more. I want more.

This goodbye was horrible. I started to feel the pain yesterday afternoon. We've cried so much. Seanie isn't one to cry easily, whereas you can say I'm the first to cry over something, but when I look at him with tears in my eyes, I can see how much it effects him too. And it's heart breaking. He would whisper with a broken voice "I don't want to leave". And I was begging him to stay because I'm scared of being alone again.

But reality hits. He has to go back to uni, and I have to stay here. No matter how much it hurts and makes me want to tear out my heart directly from my chest.

So I will leave this post at this fairly sad note. Letting you know, that loving someone from a distance is the worst pain you can put on yourself. But in your heart you will know it is worth it, when every day apart makes the lust for seeing each other again bigger.

And Seanie, if you read this. Always remember that I carry you with me at all times. You're always in my heart. Jeg elsker dig, mere end noget andet. Thank you for being such a big part of my life. I'm the luckiest woman alive to have met a man like you. Never doubt that you are anything below the best. Jeg elsker dig og savner dig.

Spring scents.

Despite the weather (at least in Denmark) which says the complete opposite, it's spring time. And with a fresh season of blooming trees, new sprung flowers and fresh air, you should maybe consider putting those heavy wintry scents and out with those sweet and fresh scents! And I will share my three favourite.

• Mariah Carey - Lollipop Bling Honey

 Two of the perfumes I'm showing are really affordable perfumes. With that said, they do wear off a lot quicker, but Mariah Carey perfumes are really long lasting for the price. The prices vary depending on where you live and shop. I bought this in Føtex (Danish version of a Tesco/Sainsbury's or Target/Walmart) for 100 kr.

When I first open the cap and smell, I get a flowery pineapple citrus scent. It isn't sickly sweet, but I get a bit of a headache if I sit and sniff for a longer while - directly from the bottle that is. On the skin, it doesn't do this, because it sinks into the skin and settle down. The honey really stands out once it's on my skin, which I really enjoy. It lasts about 4 hours, I never go overboard with spraying perfume, I am always scared of people being able to stink me 10km away, but I can still pick up the faint honey scent on my skin.

For better description and maybe more accurate notes, click here.

• Mariah Carey - Lollipop Bling Ribbon

Again, really affordable. Price and availability vary. I got it from my local Matas for 100 kr.

This perfume is a lot sweeter. First notes that hit my smelling buds are very sweet raspberries, a slight melon and something really fresh. If you are not into really sweet scents, do not get this. It can be headache attracting if you overdo it, but again, I'm not one to pour half a bottle of perfume on myself every time. And like the Honey perfume, it last a good 4 hours before fading away.

For better description and maybe more accurate notes, click here.

• Marc Jacobs - Daisy (Original)

This is more on the pricey side. I got it for Christmas in 2011 from my dear mother. But I have seen it in Matas and the price tag is not exactly low. But I love it. This is one of my signature scents. Price and availability vary depending on where you shop and live.

Despite the name, it doesn't smell like daisies, because they stink like cat piss or that's what I remember, haha. It does smell like flowers, but it's fresh and "young" flowers with a hint of sweetness. It's not heavy or grandmother'ish (and no, smelling like a grandmother is not a bad thing!) I'm really bad with picking out flowers, so you'll have to click the link to the better description. It lingers for AGES. The first time I sprayed it on me, was late on Christmas eve, and I could still smell it the afternoon after. Again, do not go overboard, or else you will probably kill someone with a headache.

For better description and maybe more accurate notes, click here.




What are your favourite scents for spring? Let me know!

Oh, and even though I'm already bad at posting at the moment, just a heads up, my boyfriend Sean is landing in Denmark tomorrow, he's spending 10 days in the country, so I probably won't have anything ready any time soon. Also my own laptop broke, so I can't edit pictures or anything because my mum's old laptop isn't that great. My luck!

But I hope you're all doing well, my lovelings! Have a wonderful fantastic amazing day!