Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Recently my dog, Buster, has not been feeling well. He's been looking rather blown up around the stomach area, has been panting a lot, hasn't been interested in food or water and when he got over excited, he would fall into a cramp like attack. We thought he was just having a moment, because he had something similar before - we rushed to the vet and he said it was low blood sugar, and this was over a year ago - but it continued. Today, 23rd of August, we went to the vet because both my mother and I were getting very worried about our little furry friend. First the vet, a she this time, went through the normal check up, only to find out he was fine. She luckily understood the seriousness, that we were convinced something was wrong with Buster, and she took him in for a blood test and scan. We waited at the vets for around an hour before another vet came out. She explained that Buster's liver was expanded and there's a leak in his heart chamber which causes blood to flow out and sit around the heart - which explains why he looks so blown up and when his heart beats faster, like when he gets excited, it takes so much energy on the heart and he faints.

The vet told us that they could drain the blood out and see how he is, or the only other option was to put him down. Buster has been with us for 10 years. He means a lot to us, so of course we wanted them to at least try and see what happens then. So he's staying over night. The vet called us not long ago, saying it went well, Buster is taking it well, and tomorrow the vet who's working will check up on him and hopefully he'll come home. But. Here comes the but part. But he needs a check up in a week to see if the blood floods out again. If it does, there's not much chance for him to live much longer without suffering. The vet also told us not to be overly optimistic.

And it's really taking it's toll on me. Buller is my best friend. He cuddles with me when I cry, he gets so excited when I come home. He may be loud, smelly, weird, grumpy and a tiny bit annoying, but he's my dog. He's my brother's dog and my mum's dog. We love him. And I'm so fucking scared to lose him. We got him a year after my grandfather died, and of course he couldn't replace grandpa, but it helped the healing process.

And now I have to accept the fact that I might lose my little puppy. (He's not a puppy, I know, but he's a puppy baby to me. Just an 11 year old puppy) And it's really hard. I have to adjust to not having Sean here, I have to accept not seeing him for 8 months. And a lot of other mentally draining things are happening in my life right now, and then this happens.

Any other dog - or even just any kind of pet - owners will know my pain. Dogs aren't just dogs. They are friends, life partners, soulmates. They love you no matter what. And you love them. They are a family member. And I'm scared I'll lose a family member. But I'm hoping for the best. I hope the little fighter of a dog I have, will make it. I hope with all my heart he'll be okay.

I know there's been a lot of personal posts lately, but it is after all my blog. But please send a thought to my little Buller. Hope with me. I'm not even religious but if you are, send a prayer. Thank you for reading.

Airports have seen more sincere kisses than wedding halls.

 People always say you should know how to manage alone. That you're always best on your own and you shouldn't depend on people. But I don't think most realise that some people aren't meant to be alone. They aren't meant to be their best by themselves. I'm one of those. I admire people who can feel comfortable on their own, but I have never and never will be one of those people. Living with severe anxiety and mild paranoia, being alone can have a really bad effect. But I try and cope for the time being.

It hasn't been a perfect summer, but it's been perfectly imperfect because Seanie could be by my side. He didn't mind I wasn't feel well 80% of the time. "It's okay. As long as I'm with you" would he always reply whenever I would apologise from us not doing much. That is love. As long as I'm with you, it's okay. But I won't be for probably 8 months. But I have to try and manage. Because I won't give up.

I never realised how much love hurts. But at a point in my life, I also thought I wasn't good enough to be loved.

I'll stop blabbering now. I have every right to be heart broken, but I think my Tumblr suffers enough so I'll keep this pretty clean. Take care, my dears.

                                                    

Sunday treat: Brownie cups

Seanie and I was feeling a tiny bit sweet toothy, and having a lazy day it wouldn't include going down to town and pick up something sweet, so we decided to take matters into our own hands and bake! They are super delicious, super easy and so quick to make. Note: Makes around 12 brownie cups.

You will need:

100 grams of butter

300 grams of sugar

150 grams of flour

2 eggs

4 tablespoons of cacao powder

1½ teaspoon of vanilla (we used vanilla sugar)

A pinch of salt
Cupcake liners

Optional: Your favourite kind of nuts, chocolate chips

How to do it:

- Turn on your oven to 175 Celsius.
- Melt the butter and leave it to cool.
- Add eggs and sugar into a bowl and mix (by hand or with a hand-mixer) until it's combined.
- Sift flour, cacao powder, vanilla and salt into the egg and sugar mixture, add the melted butter.
Tip: If you're adding chocolate chips or nuts, mix a bit of the flour with the chips/nuts so they won't sink to the bottom when baking.
- Whisk until the dry ingredients aren't visible. If you mix any longer the batter will get hard like bread.
- Line a cupcake tin (or whatever you have on hand) with the liners and distribute the batter evenly.
- Cooking time depends on your oven. Ours took 20 mins. First we get the timer on 10 minutes, and then we checked every 5 minutes. When you can stick a toothpick in the middle and it comes out clean they are done!
Tip: It's good to undercook them a tiny bit, it gives a very gooey texture to the brownie.

For extra fancy dancy look, dust some powdered sugar ontop and you're done! 

How to: Bubble paintings

YOU WILL NEED:

HOW TO DO IT:

Distribute the acrylic paint into your bowls. Which colours you use are totally up to you.

Pour some washing-up liquid and water into the bowls. You might need more washing-up liquid or paint, but the only way to tell is by trying while you're doing it.

Mix your bubble paint.

Blow into the paint bowl with your straw. Easiest way to tell if you need to add some more paint or washing-up liquid is that if the mixture doesn't bubble well, or the bubble don't have the colour your put in the bowl, it needs a bit more.

Gently put the paper over the bubbles, let it sit for a few seconds and remove. Repeat as many times as you desire and play around with the colours.

Let the paintings dry and afterwards put a bunch of books on top to straighten the paper. Might not be needed if you use really thick paper, but mine was a bit thinner and would curl up because of the nature of putting something wet on paper.

AND VIOLA! BUBBLE PAINTINGS.