Starting school, last kiss and cactus baby

So... I finished my first week at school. Only a hell of a lot left now!!!! It was a lot less scary than I thought it would be. People are so nice and I'm sure a lot of people felt like I did, which was nervous as fucking hell. Luckily I already know the school so it also makes it less scary. I'm also lucky enough to have TWO!!! friends in the school too. Not in my class but still.

Being on my "happy pills" makes a huge difference too. I don't get the need to hide away in the bathroom at breaks, I can easily talk to people, I'm not shy to speak in class. I can even take the bus and train on my own. It has made such a huge difference in my life. I really think I can go through these 3 years without much trouble. I WILL graduate.

I have a hard time WANTING to make friends, but I'm accepting that because it doesn't mean I'm being mean to people or pushing them away, I'm just trying to settle. My main goal is just to finish these 3 years in school so I can move the hell out of here. Is that bad? Nah.

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Sean went back last night. I don't feel well, at all. I cried a lot before he left, but after? Nothing. I feel the tears trying to come out, but it's like my head won't let me.

I fell asleep with a t-shirt he left here, and I even woke up hugging it tight. It's just not the same. I always feel like this after we've been together. I feel hopeless, lonely, needy and whiny. But honestly? I'm fucking allowed. I just had to kiss my boyfriend for the last time. I probably won't see him again until June next year.  Just the thought makes my heart go "FUCK".

But I'll be okay. I'll be fine. We'll be perfectly fine. It's just hard right now. 

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Since I'm feeling pretty shitty, I've decided to make buttons! And is it any surprise I want to do cacti? I think not. I don't have any rough sketches yet or anything, and I'm not really planning on selling anything but if people like it, I MIGHT sell some. I'm thinking cacti, feminist sayings, sexualities, save different animals, shit like that. I'm excited. I can't buy materials until next months but that's fine, I need to focus on school and ye.

 I think I've done enough rambling for now. So I'll go make some lunch for tomorrow and tidy my room to get my mind of things.

How's your day? Tell me about how great your summer was!

Yes, I am alive!

Sean arrived in the start of July and time has flown by. We've been a bit busy too, so it's a good excuse. I have a bunch of blog posts planned but nothing finished. This weekend should be a bit more chill so I might stop procrastinating and do some blogging work.

More importantly, how's YOUR summer going?

Date day

Sean and I went on a little date in Horsens. We visited Horsens Kunstmuseum, ate lunch and did a bit of shopping. Adventures with someone you love is the best.

SURPRISE! I'm 21 now

The 18th of March I turned 21. But let's rewind to the day before, the 17th. I was peacefully (well, more like stressing) baking my arse off for my birthday, a few eggs landed on my clothes, flour everywhere, a needy dog demanding love while my muffins nearly burnt in the oven. I knew I was going to get a present that day because Sean had been bugging me with it for months now! I had no idea what he had planned, it could be anything to be honest.

So while I was making the final batch of cake, my mum comes home and tells me to go look in the hallway for my present. I'm a bit confused, why didn't she just bring it in? Is it so big she can't just put it on the table while I finish off my cakes? So I slowly walk to the hallway and my mum is grinning and there he fucking is. Sean fucking came to celebrate me on my fucking birthday.

He spend all the time he was here BULLYING me with the face I made when I saw him. I couldn't believe he was there, I touched his face all "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?". I think the bit he found the funniest was me touching his face all "Are you sure you're here???"

I was so happy to see him. I had tears building up in my eyes, this is the first time in 6 years he's been able to be with me on my birthday. And my history with good birthdays isn't that good. Last year I had a massive panic attack because people kept talking about how my old dog Buster would probably soon die. The year before also haunted by anxiety and what not. But this year was different.

On my actual birthday I had a bunch of friends coming over for breakfast. I was so happy that they without a doubt came to celebrate with me. It was so fun to have my family and Sean meet them. I even cried a tiny bit when everyone left because I felt so loved and cared for, having such good friends near me.

Later on the day the rest of my family came and we had cakes and ate the most amazing dinner together! Again, I was so overwhelmed with happiness because I had almost everyone I love with me on my birthday.

Tak til jer alle hvis I læser det her. Jeg må nok indrømme at det er jeres skyld at jeg havde den BEdSTE fødseldag ♡


                                                 

Summertime

My summer is basically over. The second Sean isn't here, summer flew away. It was a nice short summer though. We went to København, saw my brother graduate, did a lot of snuggling, had a bonfire night and made snobrød (basically just bread you cook on a stick over a bonfire) and then we went to a little zoo I've known of since I was a child. I never liked summers until I got to spend them with Sean. He's the only one who can make mosquito filled, sun burnt, hot nights and stinking of sweat sound like fun.

How's your summer?

Time goes by so slowly

If you read that in the tune of Madonna's Hung Up, mental high five to you!

So, I've been a bad blogger. I said I would do updates every 10 days for when Sean and I will see each other again, but I didn't for loads of reasons. But not much have happened any way. Most annoying thing that happened though is that the flight time changed. He's not landing at 14:20 but at 16:20 now. And some people might think "But it's only two hours!", and well, to you person thinking that if any of you actually do:

 

I mean of course I'm over the moon that I'll see him, but I don't really sleep the night before, so it'll be a long day! And for the first time in a while, I'm nervous to see him. I'm excited too. But I'm nervous because we have had a very rough almost 8 months apart. But I'm sure it's just my typical worrying and when I see him, it's like we've never been apart.

But lately, it's like time hasn't passed at all. Since it was like a month left of waiting, days have been crawling by. I wake up early in the morning, despite maybe going to bed at 2, and days just won't pass. I just want him near, you know? I want his comforting hugs when my anxiety takes over, I want him to tell lame jokes so I can laugh and kiss the stupid smirk on his face off. We've been apart for around 220 days, I'm craving the person I love in every single way. 

11 days left. Sigh.

Sixty days

So... If you haven't already guessed by the picture....

WE FINALLY BOOKED TICKETS!!!

We booked Sunday the 2nd I think it was. And it's super exciting. Even my mum is like "WE'RE GOING TO PICK UP THE LITTLE WONDER BOY SOON!!!", which is beyond cute. My mum loves that boy, almost more than I do ;-)

But else not much has been going on. Sean and I have already discussed birthday/anniversary presents. Have to be in advance when you're so far from each other, find out when to send off things so they arrive in time and such. I've started on his anniversary present, which we'll for once actually open ON the day! I wish I could say what it is, but I know he reads the blog, so will kind of ruin it all ;-)

Seventy Days

Every 10 days I will update on the process of getting Sean back here to Denmark to spend a few days with me. More for a personal "We can look back on this when we're 80" than anything else.

And the fact that there's still 70 days to go bothers me and seems like an eternity. When you've reached the point of having to "get used to" waiting 8 months to see someone you love because life gets in the way so much, you're pretty done with dealing with this shit. But I have to put on a brave face because everyone is like "But you'll see him soon!" and it should be legal to hit people like that with a sofa, right in the face preferably.

As you may be able to read, my mood is basically as dark as a Disney villain's. Yes I'm happy that I'll see him soon, but these past months have been shit. And it's because everything I'm trying to do is going wrong, and sometimes a relationship just has a rough patch and it needs working on. It needs to be polished back to what it used to be. And you have to be two people to be able to do that. And along with having shit go wrong, a relationship I wasn't sure I could be in and the thought of there being months before I could see him again, you start to doubt if it's ever worth it.

BUT IT IS! Because that's why I'm doing this. To document that relationships are more like relationshit at some points. And if you never fight or disagree, don't think it'll never happen, because it will. But it's so much harder when there's an ocean between us because it's things that can easily be fixed with a hug or an angry game of zombie shooting - where he'll have to let me win because he pissed me off in the first place. But when you're 500 miles apart, I can't get a hug. Or beat his arse in Zombies.

But back to what has been going on.

- Tickets haven't been booked yet. We're still waiting for his job interview answers (I'm doubting I'll ever shop at Coop again because it's been 2 weeks today and they said they would call him 2 weeks ago) to make sure he can get that time off, if he gets the job.

- We've been planning what we're doing for our anniversary, which is exciting. We spend our first anniversary together, and then haven't been able to for the 2nd and 3rd. But this year we will! We're most likely staying at home really. But we'll try and be good cooks and bakers! And play video games. Maybe go for a nice long walk. And of course, present giving. I have many ideas for presents.

- Did I mention I bought him socks so he doesn't have to worry about that? Waiting for those to arrive. As the weirdo I am. And they funnily enough came today! So they are being washed now. 

I think that's it really. I'm sorry for the amount of swear words in this. Okay, I'm not sorry, it's my blog, I kind of expect if you read this you're old enough to handle words like "shit".

It's a date

For the longest time Sean and I did not know exactly when we would see each other again. We have a tradition with spending Easter together, but we didn't have a rough date. But now we do.

8 April

And it is such a fucking relief to finally being able to have a date. It might change to the 9th, but it's a minor change. We have a date. We have a fucking date! You have no idea how much that calmed my little confused heart. Since he went back in August, things have been so rough between us. It's the hardest thing I've ever experienced in a relationship, but we got through it and now we have a date for when we'll see each other and forget all the shit. We'll just be us and I'll have someone there to hold me when anxiety controls me and someone to laugh with and smile with.

The hardest thing about long distance relationships isn't the distance. Not for me. It's not exactly knowing when I'll be able to hug him again or kiss him. 

We haven't booked the flights yet, Sean had a job interview we're both dying to hear back from (FINGERS CROSSED THEY WANT HIM) and then I think we'll book. And then it's one step closer to becoming more real.

I'm sorry this post is boyfriend-boring, but I'm actually not that sorry. By April I haven't seen him for around 7½ months. I deserve to finally feel excited and have something to look forward to. I've already bought him some toothpaste, a toothbrush and some socks because he's bringing as little as possible. And I will be honest. buying stuff for him to use here made me pretty fucking excited. I can't wait to clear drawers and space in the wardrobe so it'll be his room too again.

I'm so excited, I'll stop here. I can't wait. I can't wait to kiss him again. I can't wait to feel a bit happy again.

A box of us.

Being away from someone you love is extremely harsh. In April Sean and I have been together for 4 years. Physically seen each other for 3. But I never get used to it. And to comfort myself, I have a box of us.

The box contains many kinds of memories we have together. Boarding passes, pictures, tickets from places we've been, small trinkets that reminds us of our relationship, jewellery he got me that I don't really wear but don't want to throw out or give away.

Whenever I'm really sad or just miss him beyond what's bearable, I open it and look through it. It comforts me. It's a piece of home. Sean even has one that he keeps in his room. When we move in together we'll find a bigger wooden box and paint it and combine all over memories from when we were apart.

And seeing as Valentines day is around the corner (not that it's a thing I care about) I thought I would share this little cute thing. Make a box for your partner, decorate it and fill it with things that reminds you of them. Draw things, write letters, buy their favourite sweets, maybe put in a t-shirt. And you can tell them to keep the box and use for memories during your relationship. Can of course also be for a friend! And you don't even have to live far apart, it can still be a cute little present. 

Other ideas for Valentines Day, birthday, anniversary that have a personal meaning (that doesn't only apply to long distance relationship couples):

• 52 reasons why I love you on a deck of cards
• 100 reasons why I love you in a note book you decorate yourself (I did this myself for Sean last year. I wrote them down in the book and afterwards posted on our long distance relationship blog) 
• If you're crafty, paint a picture, draw some drawing, sew a teddy, cross stitch something cute (made the cross stitch for Sean and I's 3 year anniversary)
• Frame pictures of you together or the paintings/drawings you made for them
• Buy a book they've been wanting to read for ages and put in little cute notes as a surprise when they read through it
• Mix CDs. If your parter is a music lover, put a bunch of songs that reminds you of them or you think they'll love and decorate the front of the CD. It's cute and personal!
• Speaking of discs, you could also make a video for them and put on a disc. Get an empty case for it and decorate and whenever they miss you, they can watch it!
• Bake some goodies. Sean loves cake and chocolate - sometimes more than he loves me ;-) - and I'm sure any one would appreciate some home baked treats. Sean and I made some brownie treats, they are super easy and taste so bloody good

I hope this post was somewhat useful! And Seanie, if you read this. I love you Bumbum, more than I love soft blankets, kittens and puppies ;-)

My Christmas.

The days leading up to Christmas eve was spend shopping for the last few food bits (nom!) and baking (even more nom!) Believe it or not, this wasn't even all of the biccies and treats we made! I love baking with my mum, and baking in general. It makes the house smell so much more like a home and come on, who doesn't love some good home baked goodies?

Despite not having Christmas at my house, it's always at my grandma's place, we cannot live without getting a tree. It isn't anything amazing, but we love it, it was such fun to decorate. We're very simple and traditional. Oh and if you didn't know, the Greenlandic flags represent the Greenlandic part of my family. It's from my dad's side, which makes my brother and I 1/4 part Greenlandic!

Buster loves presents. We packed up all of them little Christmas eve (23rd) before going to decorate the tree at my grandma's house, and he was sniffing and digging his little curious nose in the presents! 

Christmas Eve is always calm with us. Despite having a hard time controlling my anxiety, I was able to enjoy it and relax. My aunt and her husband came to celebrate with us. Normally it's my uncle, grandma, brother, mother, Buster and I, but it was nice being a few more for a change. I didn't get a lot of pictures of the evening, it was just very relaxed. We ate dinner (this year trying out goose which I found out I really enjoy!), sang a few Christmas songs and danced around the tree. 

We are a family who loves to spoil our pets. Buster is the most spoilt little fuzzy bunch we know. So after a very exhausting day watching TV, cuddling, eating food and the most exciting - OPENING PRESENTS! Buller took a little nap with his favourite present, a tennis ball. 

When we got home, I showed Seanie my presents and let him open two pressies! One of them being this penguin pillow pet. His name is Albert! Seanie and I love penguins, Seanie probably being the most excited about them. And unfortunately earlier this month his dog got to another penguin I got him the first time we physically met, which was a weird coincidence because I bought Albert before the accident happened. But I can say, Seanie loves Albert so much. He told me he woke up Christmas morning cuddling him. It melted my heart. The other pressie he opening Christmas Eve was some art work I made and I'm really proud of.

And that was it really! 1st Christmas day (which is just Christmas days for those who celebrate the 25th) we just slept, ate more food, watched more TV and played with Buller and his new favourite ball. 

How was your Christmas? Did you eat twice your weight in delicious food? Did you spend time with people you have dear? Did you get some nice presents? And most important.. Did the people you got presents for love them? That's my favourite things. Spending time with family, eating and seeing how people like the things I got them!

(I will make a what I got for Christmas at some point before the new year I hope)

Happy holidays, lovelies xx