Yes, I am alive!

Sean arrived in the start of July and time has flown by. We've been a bit busy too, so it's a good excuse. I have a bunch of blog posts planned but nothing finished. This weekend should be a bit more chill so I might stop procrastinating and do some blogging work.

More importantly, how's YOUR summer going?

Time goes by so slowly

If you read that in the tune of Madonna's Hung Up, mental high five to you!

So, I've been a bad blogger. I said I would do updates every 10 days for when Sean and I will see each other again, but I didn't for loads of reasons. But not much have happened any way. Most annoying thing that happened though is that the flight time changed. He's not landing at 14:20 but at 16:20 now. And some people might think "But it's only two hours!", and well, to you person thinking that if any of you actually do:

 

I mean of course I'm over the moon that I'll see him, but I don't really sleep the night before, so it'll be a long day! And for the first time in a while, I'm nervous to see him. I'm excited too. But I'm nervous because we have had a very rough almost 8 months apart. But I'm sure it's just my typical worrying and when I see him, it's like we've never been apart.

But lately, it's like time hasn't passed at all. Since it was like a month left of waiting, days have been crawling by. I wake up early in the morning, despite maybe going to bed at 2, and days just won't pass. I just want him near, you know? I want his comforting hugs when my anxiety takes over, I want him to tell lame jokes so I can laugh and kiss the stupid smirk on his face off. We've been apart for around 220 days, I'm craving the person I love in every single way. 

11 days left. Sigh.

Fifty days

It's been a rough 10 days. Not just in my life but in our relationship. Especially when you're miles and miles apart, it's so much easier to misunderstand or not read something the way it's supposed to be read. And then the bomb explodes. Because I don't have the emotional peace to deal with misunderstandings. I don't have the energy to not be fully listened to or joked with. It's been rough as hell. But hey, that's what relationships go through. It's not new to us. And we work through it. Slowly, but surely.

On a more positive note, we were actually on cam last night. Something we never really do, last time was months ago and I think I was just crying. And when we normally do, I usually don't talk. I don't know why I do that, but I have some bad memories with being on cam and talking, and I'm always insecure about my English accent and shit. It took a while, but I began to just talk instead of typing. And the smile on Sean's face. He really missed hearing my voice, just as much as I missed his. 

It was nice, but it also made me miss him so much more. Which I didn't think was possible. 50 days to go. Please hurry up.

Sixty days

So... If you haven't already guessed by the picture....

WE FINALLY BOOKED TICKETS!!!

We booked Sunday the 2nd I think it was. And it's super exciting. Even my mum is like "WE'RE GOING TO PICK UP THE LITTLE WONDER BOY SOON!!!", which is beyond cute. My mum loves that boy, almost more than I do ;-)

But else not much has been going on. Sean and I have already discussed birthday/anniversary presents. Have to be in advance when you're so far from each other, find out when to send off things so they arrive in time and such. I've started on his anniversary present, which we'll for once actually open ON the day! I wish I could say what it is, but I know he reads the blog, so will kind of ruin it all ;-)

Seventy Days

Every 10 days I will update on the process of getting Sean back here to Denmark to spend a few days with me. More for a personal "We can look back on this when we're 80" than anything else.

And the fact that there's still 70 days to go bothers me and seems like an eternity. When you've reached the point of having to "get used to" waiting 8 months to see someone you love because life gets in the way so much, you're pretty done with dealing with this shit. But I have to put on a brave face because everyone is like "But you'll see him soon!" and it should be legal to hit people like that with a sofa, right in the face preferably.

As you may be able to read, my mood is basically as dark as a Disney villain's. Yes I'm happy that I'll see him soon, but these past months have been shit. And it's because everything I'm trying to do is going wrong, and sometimes a relationship just has a rough patch and it needs working on. It needs to be polished back to what it used to be. And you have to be two people to be able to do that. And along with having shit go wrong, a relationship I wasn't sure I could be in and the thought of there being months before I could see him again, you start to doubt if it's ever worth it.

BUT IT IS! Because that's why I'm doing this. To document that relationships are more like relationshit at some points. And if you never fight or disagree, don't think it'll never happen, because it will. But it's so much harder when there's an ocean between us because it's things that can easily be fixed with a hug or an angry game of zombie shooting - where he'll have to let me win because he pissed me off in the first place. But when you're 500 miles apart, I can't get a hug. Or beat his arse in Zombies.

But back to what has been going on.

- Tickets haven't been booked yet. We're still waiting for his job interview answers (I'm doubting I'll ever shop at Coop again because it's been 2 weeks today and they said they would call him 2 weeks ago) to make sure he can get that time off, if he gets the job.

- We've been planning what we're doing for our anniversary, which is exciting. We spend our first anniversary together, and then haven't been able to for the 2nd and 3rd. But this year we will! We're most likely staying at home really. But we'll try and be good cooks and bakers! And play video games. Maybe go for a nice long walk. And of course, present giving. I have many ideas for presents.

- Did I mention I bought him socks so he doesn't have to worry about that? Waiting for those to arrive. As the weirdo I am. And they funnily enough came today! So they are being washed now. 

I think that's it really. I'm sorry for the amount of swear words in this. Okay, I'm not sorry, it's my blog, I kind of expect if you read this you're old enough to handle words like "shit".

It's a date

For the longest time Sean and I did not know exactly when we would see each other again. We have a tradition with spending Easter together, but we didn't have a rough date. But now we do.

8 April

And it is such a fucking relief to finally being able to have a date. It might change to the 9th, but it's a minor change. We have a date. We have a fucking date! You have no idea how much that calmed my little confused heart. Since he went back in August, things have been so rough between us. It's the hardest thing I've ever experienced in a relationship, but we got through it and now we have a date for when we'll see each other and forget all the shit. We'll just be us and I'll have someone there to hold me when anxiety controls me and someone to laugh with and smile with.

The hardest thing about long distance relationships isn't the distance. Not for me. It's not exactly knowing when I'll be able to hug him again or kiss him. 

We haven't booked the flights yet, Sean had a job interview we're both dying to hear back from (FINGERS CROSSED THEY WANT HIM) and then I think we'll book. And then it's one step closer to becoming more real.

I'm sorry this post is boyfriend-boring, but I'm actually not that sorry. By April I haven't seen him for around 7½ months. I deserve to finally feel excited and have something to look forward to. I've already bought him some toothpaste, a toothbrush and some socks because he's bringing as little as possible. And I will be honest. buying stuff for him to use here made me pretty fucking excited. I can't wait to clear drawers and space in the wardrobe so it'll be his room too again.

I'm so excited, I'll stop here. I can't wait. I can't wait to kiss him again. I can't wait to feel a bit happy again.