Project re-do room: Update!

So, it's getting closer to the day where I'm going to work on my room with Sean! I've been working on stripping down walls, cleaning out drawers, cabinets, wardrobe and what not. I think I ended up with 1 bag of trash and 3 bags of clothes and items that were good enough to give to charity.

My wardrobe is still a mess tho, because I've crammed everything into it. But of course it'll be sorted when my room is done!

I have gotten most of the things I need. Only things I need is boring things like filler for holes, cleaning shiz for the walls, sponge brushes things to actually paint the wall! It's so close, I'm so excited. Can't wait to see and show you the final thing!


                                              

To take, or not to take? My daily battle with pills

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I take a few different pills a day. I take vitamins, birth control, allergy pills (only when I have mosquito bites though) and then my enemy. My anti depressant. Or mood pill as I like to call it. It has done absolute wonders for me, but every day is a struggle. Every day is a battle between my logical mind and my "But-I-don't-want-to-be-different" mind. Which is somewhat stupid.

Why is it stupid? Well, because they have done wonders for me. I have never in my life had such a stable mood until I started, ever. My panic attacks quickly reduced from multiple a day to maybe 2 in the past 6 months. They have done nothing but help me. Yet still I go through times where I feel like I'm a horrible person for taking them.

I feel dependant. I feel strapped down. I feel like a bad person for needing these pills to feel stable. And I know deep down that it is okay, that they're helping me, that it's not permanent. But I keep blaming myself and putting myself down for having reached a point where I cannot go a day without them. I've tried, and it never ended up pretty.

Without them I'm an anxious mess. My mood goes down, my mind dives into a deep black hole. So there's only more reasons to take them. But the little demon in my head keeps trying to make me not take them. And sometimes, my demon wins.

But those victories aren't victories at all. Because I know I won't make any progress. I'm taking a step back, and it needs to stop.

Because there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing medication to get through the days. There is nothing wrong with needing medication to function. Absolutely nothing. Bodies are different, minds are different. I need to tell myself this more often. It is absolutely fucking fine. It helps me. It doesn't want to destroy me. It helps me. I deserve this help, I deserve to feel good.


                                                     

Summer adventures: Listening to nightingales

A bookworm's diary: May wrap up

A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin

The second book in "A Song of Ice and Fire" series.

THIS CANNOT BE SPOILER FREE BECAUSE SO MUCH SHIT IS GOING ON SO dON'T LOOK IF YOU HAVEN'T REAd IT YET, IT'S GOOd THO, REAd IT, BUT SKIP TO NEXT BOOK REVIEW NOW!!!

Everything is a mess in the seven kingdoms. Renly dies, Stannis gets the proper power-rage-boner and wants to take over the entire kingdom, Theon takes over Winterfell, Bran and Rickon flees from their home to live, Arya ends up as a serving girl at a castle plotting to run away, Daenerys finally finds a place that can possibly help her get an army so she can take the Iron Throne, Catelyn grieves for her husband and worries about her oldest son leading a war while her other children are scattered around the world, Sansa is being abused by the shitty king Joffrey. See how messy this shit is? But it's a good mess. A Song of Ice and Fire is a tough read if you have a hard time remembering a large amount of characters, but when you first get to know the characters, it's amazing. It's hard to write a review of this, I'm not even sorry.

A Living Soul by P.C Jersild

This book is not very "me". But I absolutely love it. I've read it before and finally got my own copy. The plot is very interesting, as you follow from a brain's perspective who goes by the name Ypsilon. That's what the main character is, a brain, a detached and and an eye. He lives in an aquarium and is being taken care of by a beautiful lab assistant. Through the entire book you follow him plotting how to escape his fish like situation, how he can win the beautiful assistant's heart and try and remember who he was when he had a body. It's hilarious and a different kind of read.

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

I was honestly a bit meh about reading this. I somehow thought I was buying "Looking for Alaska" but saw I had bought this. I finally got myself together and read it. And I enjoyed it. Was it amazing? No. Was it disappointing? A little. Was it good? Yes.

It's about a girl named Hazel who goes to this support group for children with cancer. She's not very keen on going but to kill her mother's pestering, she ends up going. Here she makes friends with Isaac and the oh so beautiful Augustus. Eyes get taken out, hearts get broken, dreams shattered, people die, just life stuff.

__________________________

What I'm currently reading:
In The Woods by Tana French
A Storm of Swords by George R.R Martin
The Scorch Trials by James Dashner

To be completely honest, I haven't been reading much since I finished A Clash of Kings. My head has been a mess and I've been sick so books haven't been my favourite thing to do (Netflix has been my lover) but I hope to get back into reading asap!


                                                      

Lazy people's skin care routine

If you're like me and like to wear a bit of make up, you're also very aware it has to get off your face at some point. And don't you dare use make up wipes!!!! I heard it's bad, I have never looked into why, but do not!!! I also don't like them because they're mostly dry as hell and it's like
wiping my face with sandpaper, so just don't.
I'm fond of micellar cleansing waters lately to remove my make up. They're gentle, reasonably priced and fuss free. I just need some cotton pads, pour some onto them and bam, make up gone! It doesn't irritate my eyes or make my skin red, BONUS! I like both the one from Garnier, but L'oreal's version is also good.

I don't often cleanse because I was blessed with nice skin. Or as my mum says, it's because I was born with a thick layer of fat on my eyes. Like so much it took 10 minutes of the nurses to wipe it off before my parents finally saw my face. BUT sometimes my skin does feel tight and tired of life, so I run to these bad boys.
First I take a clean cloth and gently massage cleansing milk into my skin, wash it off and pat my face dry. Then I get some toner onto some cotton pads and wipe my face with it. Easy peasy!

My skin might be amazing in the way it doesn't need cleansing that often and I rarely get spots, but it's hell to try and find moisturising products that doesn't make my skin feel like it's on fire. So here's my favourite ones! I prefer serums and oils because I find creams to be too thick and gross. The bottles for serums are also way cuter.... Priorities, right? I also have an eye cream but I think it ran off.

On my pamper nights the best thing I can do is put on a face mask. It makes me feel awesome and self caring and also makes my skin very soft! If I ever do it when Sean's here, I force him to stroke my face after to feel the softness. FEEL IT. I prefer feel off masks though, because it's fun to peel off my face. I don't have anything else intelligent to say.

ALSO dRINK LOAdS OF WATER! IT'S GOOd FOR YOUR SKIN ANd HEALTH!!!!