Life isn't just black and white

Please appreciate my little collection of stuffed toys

I've been in a grey haze the past few days. I've cried a lot, been curled up in bed, not motivated an awful lot. I miss Buster, more than I'll ever be able to accept. It's hitting me slowly but surely. Especially when I spend a lot of evenings alone. My mum has been working 50 hours evening the past week and it's harsh being faced with reality all alone. No Sean, no Buster.

I've been reading a lot. I finished Allegiant (last book in the Divergent series, and yes, I cried) and I finished Requiem which is the last in the Delirium series. I've also started painting a bit. I don't paint a lot, not since I finished at Odder. It is very therapeutic.

I try and keep my head above the waters. Sean has been a dream since Buller was put down. He's always been supportive, but I've noticed he takes the extra step to let me know he's there and I'm not alone in this. I'm encouraged by him and the thought of us going to København in mid-June with my mum and grandma. It's the small things that counts.

Also, I'm going to start up therapy again. Anxiety is getting too much. I'm too low function because of it. But there's waiting lists of course, so I don't know much yet. But it'll be dealt with. I have mixed feelings. I think it's always like that with mental illnesses. When you've had it for years, losing it is a scary thought. I don't remember being without it. You get attached to something that's tearing you apart. But I want to be a person again.

I hope you're all doing wonderfully well. Spring is turning into summer very soon. Flowers and trees are coming back, the sky is a bit more blue. It's bringing a bit more happiness into my little heart.