Longing

All pictures by me

I've felt really lost lately, restless. Like I long for a place I don't know. I long for people I haven't met. I spend a lot of my time alone and I don't think it's healthy. I like being alone, I love it. I need it. But not to the point where loneliness knock on my door and I cannot keep him out. I think I just long for a life again.

44 days ago, Buster left this world. In 26 days, Sean will be here. And it's been exactly a month since Sean went back to England. I find comfort in numbers, patterns, similarities. Uncertainty scares the living crap out of me.

Today has actually been one of the better days I've had lately. I'm home alone, surprise?, but I'm not as uneasy as I normally would be. It's a nice change. I would apologise for the grey haze I've been stuck in, but honestly? Why apologise for my feelings? Maybe I'm a bit sorry. A tiny bit.

But summer is sneaking up on us. I hope my mood will get as bright as the sun.