I miss the way he holds my hand when we're walking through the city.
I miss the way he winks at me, look at me like I'm his only reason to live.
I miss the way he mumbles, he mumbles "You are the one my heart I want to give"
I miss the way he bites his lip, and then kiss my lips.
I miss the way he hugs me tight, and grab me by the hips.
I miss the way we playfully fight, and I end up on your chest listening to your heart.
I miss the way you make me blush, like when you loudly fart.
I miss being with you, from when I wake up till I go to sleep.
And until I will be reunited with you, my heart will weep.
It's one of those nights where my heart feels like an open wound that won't stop bleeding. Where I want to cry until my eyes go dry, and scream until my lungs collapse. It's one of those nights where the distance gets to me. I never imagined myself being with a boy from England. Who does? I never imagined myself with any boy after being abused by one. And I promised myself I would never let myself get in trouble with one again.. But here I am. 500 miles away from the guy I love. He's currently sleeping, like most people should here in my part of the world. It's been a rough day. Oh dear I'm crying again. Get yourself together woman!!! You can cry when you're done with your gibberish!
Okay, today was a rough day. He made me stress out because he got annoyed and stressed and then my mood goes down and I turn into a diva monster. And it's frustrating, because I know it would never have happened if we were together. I would have calmed him down, rubbed his neck a bit and kissed him, and he would calm down. But I'm so far away. So it gets to me and effects me because what he feels, I feel. I connect to people like that.
Most of our arguments and disagreements would never have been there, or would be solved by a single touch. My panic attacks would calm down, if I could listen to his heart beat and feel his hand on my forehead, hearing him say he's there, that he won't leave me. That when I'm triggered, he would hold my arms until I sit still, and then hug me tight and promise he won't let anything happen to me. That if I had a bad day in school, he would snuggle up to me and help me with my maths.
Distance has made my life a lot of times more complicated than it already was, but the difference is that I am willing to let myself through this pain, because I know that in 8 months, I will have this guy in my arms. Even though it's only for a month, I will be happy for that month.
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