2015 in review // What I hope 2016 will bring

This year has been one of the best fucking years I've had. I mean it hasn't been 100% positive, but what's happiness without a few bumps on the way? But here's some of the things that's happened this year:

• I've met new people who have become close friends of mine (Marina, Ramsey, Dany, Samantha, Nikita, Louise, all of you lovelings <3)
• I've made stronger bonds with people 
• I've gained more confidence 
• I started school after 3 years of sickness
• I'm getting good grades and teachers are very happy to have me 
• I've been reading a lot more books 
• I got turned down by something that could change my life 
• My room got a make over 
• I've taken public transport on my own 
• I've been in The Rainbow at aRos - ANd WALKEd AROUNd WITHOUT dYING
• I've found a thirst for adventures and exploring myself and the world around me 
• I had my heart broken by a friend 
• I got my first tattoo 
• I spent my birthday with a lot of people I love 
• I've only had two panic attacks since October 2014 (!!!!!!!!!)
• I've "cleaned out" people from my life who only brought negativity
• I went on holiday and didn't have to have a "break" day
• I've given many new plants a forever home
• August 2015 marks one year of having Lui 
• I've fully come out as bisexual
• My levels of fucks given about most things have dropped so much

And so many other things has happened during this year!!! It's been a really good year. I haven't been this happy for as long as I remember. I've moved so much personally and mentally, I feel like a new person. My mental illness doesn't control my life any more, it's still a part of my life, but I'm in control. Just ugh, I could cry with how happy I am!!!

//////

2016 is promising. I've stopped believing in New Years resolutions because I can never fulfill them, but here's some things I hope will happen/I hope I will make happen, in the new year!

• Get another tattoo
• Experiment with my hair
• Travel a bit
• Complete my first year in school and pass all my exams (bonus: hopefully will good grades)
• Become more body positive
• Continue to do my best to support my friends and be better at reminding them that I love them and their qualities
• Get better at eating healthier and plan lunches and meals better
• Appreciate everyone around me, remind them of my appreciation for them and what they do for me
• Sing more
• Read more
• Create more
• Get more plants c:
• Have fun and be happy

What's your hopes for the new year? Stay safe, drink responsibly, have safe sex and kiss some gorgeous people! Oh, and eat loads of food <3

Glædelig Jul // Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays all you lovely people out there. Stay safe and warm. Even if you don't like Christmas time, I hope you have a nice few days with loads of yummy food ^___^ ❤

Christmas room tour ❅

Why having "adulter" friends is absolutely necessary

I'm an adult, I'm 21, I've been legally an adult for a few years now, but having people who are a lot older than you as friends is really necessary to grow into an even better adult.

I have two friends who are twice my ages. My (friend and) mentor Lene, who used to be an education counsellor at my school, and my friend Klaus who used to run the group project I was a part of from last year to June this year.

Lene has followed me since I was a teenage, and has been my rock through difficult times. She's helped me so much and helped me grow into a stronger and happier person. She's like an extra (younger) grandmother, her and her husband frequently invite me over for tea and have a nice long chat. She's such an open and understanding person. I love her to death, I wouldn't know what to do without her.

Klaus is a bit younger than my mum. During the group project we developed a tight bond, I see him as an older brother I can joke with and seek advice from. We tease each other (well mostly I tease him) and joke around, but I know I can call him if anything's up at any time of the day. If I'm stuck in the middle of the night, he'll not hesitate to come get me. And I take care of him too. He's a bit of a stressy person, billion things on his mind, becomes easily restless and forgets things. So I'll have to step in, remind him to breathe and maybe eat a little bit. Again, I love him to death and someone I wouldn't want to be without.

The reason people like this are so important in this phase of your life, is because they've been through it. Surely through a different time, but the problems are alike. Confusion with what to do with your life, am I progressing at the right speed, am I behind in life? Reassurance and help from people who's been through it and give their take on what to do and what not to do, but being open about it.

And they don't judge you in the same way a family member would. I can tell them everything like I would with a friend my own age, but you get a different view on it. It's so refreshing, because it's sometimes not very helpful talking to people with the same problems. I have a few friends who are also uncertain about what to study in uni, if that's even what they want.

So, if you don't have an adulter friend, I hope you find one. They're gold.

It's Christmas month!!!

December is here, which is my favourite month a year. I've always loved Christmas, always been amazed by all the lights, wrapping presents, baking, decorating the house, crafting with my family and being with my friends. Not that I can't do that the rest of the year, but there's something magical about December. The early starting evenings, the cold air and clear nights. I'm absolutely in fucking love with Christmas and December. So I hope you're ready to share my favourite time a year with me. School ends next week so I get loads of time to focus on posts. I'll try and do DIYs, share recipes and just talk about things that make me happy and appreciate life.

Happy Holidays, my friends.

My first tattoo

One of my goals this year was to get my first tattoo. I've always been fascinated and interested in this kind of art, and I've always known I wanted quite a few. I'm not a believer in every tattoo has a special meaning, a back story. It can just be the design someone fell in love with, doesn't need more than that. But mine has a bit of a history.

It was hard picking what I wanted. I didn't want something massive for my first one, in case I can't stand the pain, in case I regret the design, stuff like that. I originally thought of getting a moon phases design my brother helped me design, but again, too big for my first time!

So I ended up with a Moomin troll. I was a bit insecure in my pick at first. Was it too childish? Too simple? Too unusual?! But I fell in love with my decision.

Moomins represent all the things I stand for myself. Love, care, adventure, curiosity, friendship, family. It was also important to me that he's reading a book, because books are such a massive part of my life. He's also soft looking, no harsh lines. I'm a very soft person, I have a massive heart, so his softness and cuteness plays a massive part.

I chose to put him on my arm, not because I want to cover my scars, but because I want to decorate them. I have so many scars that it would be impossible to cover them all, and I'm not ashamed or sad about them any more. They make me, me. And my little buddy makes me even happier about myself!

I'm already planning my next tattoos. Can't be soon enough!!!!

A lil trip to Aarhus

Yesterday I went to Aarhus to meet up with some cute friends of mine. I was hella nervous because I've never actually met Hasse in person before, and it's my first "longer" trip alone in a few years. But I did it!!!

We went to see the new library (UHM HELLO, ALL THE BOOKS??!?!? I had a few book orgasms) and then Marina took us to the cutest little café. I'm in love with that place! It's called Aarhus Brætspilscafé (brætspil is Danish for board game), grab a cup of tea, pick a game and have a fun time with friends!

It's nice to get away from typical Aarhus. I don't go there much, but maybe I should drag some friends up there to explore. Or even just go myself! Need to return to the library, take some better pictures, sit down and just soak it all in. Thank you for a lovely day Marina and Hasse ^__^ <3

And I know, I know, I've been slacking with posts. I'll be honest, school is stressing. Buuuut I'll probably explain (aka complain) in another post. ;-)

Rage Rambles // Why Fat- and Thin shaming aren't close to being the same

In this time and age, we're very concious about out looks, our bodies and how others see us. We've become better (at least in my opinion) to care less what others think, but it will always have some part in the way we dress and/or act. And because of this awareness of needing to look a certain way and dress a certain way, people will always have something to say about YOUR body.

I have been prone to that, worrying tons about what others think of me and how I dress. What others think of MY body. And if you didn't know, I've been heavily overweight my entire life. You can also say I've been fat shamed my entire bloody life. And now I'll explain to you why thin and fat shaming aren't the same.

Thin shaming is horrible, don't get me wrong. No one wants to be judged for the way their body works. It's nobody's business if you "need to gain a few pounds", "you look like an 8 year old boy" or "go eat an extra burger". Fuck them and their unnecessary comments. Bodies are different, metabolism is a bitch and genetics can have a role too.

But this is where fat shaming takes a different route to Horribleville. Being overweight is of course not good for your body or healthy. Especially not as overweight as I am. I am aware of that. 10 different doctors have told me and what feels like the entire world has told me. I know. We know. Us fat people, KNOW. We're well fucking aware thank you. We are NOT promoting being overweight. We are just trying to be accepted as human fucking beings who also live on this Earth.

Also, talking down to us, calling us names and making us feel like horrible human beings will not automatically make us want to lose weight. As someone who's suffered with an eating disorder (over eating IS an eating disorder) it actually just made the overweight problem worse. Or even turning to bulimia or anorexia because of this, the most unhealthy ways of losing weight.

 Fat shaming is industrial. It can prevent you from getting certain jobs, it's annoyingly difficult to find clothes, the physical and verbal harassment is terrible. It also brings a fear to take medication because "Fuck will I gain weight?", which is far from fun because some of us NEED medication to go on with our daily lives. Thin shaming doesn't end up in that. You're not less likely to be hired because you're thin. You're not less likely to find proper clothes because you're thin. You won't be hunted down but twats because you're thin.
People are physically harassed by idiots who think such behaviour HELPS people to lose some weight. I know a woman who was out on her bike when a car with two young males drives by and roll down their windows to yell horrible things at her and forcing her towards the curb of the road, resulting in her falling off her bike and get several injuries.

This isn't uncommon. I've had this happen to me. I'm afraid of walking in certain areas of my town at certain times because I KNOW these young twats will harass me. They'll drive up and down the road just to yell slurs at me. I've had people push me and punch me because I'm fat and they didn't like the way I looked. People have treated me less of a human because I'm fat.

I've experienced being not picked for a musical because of my weight. I'm a great fucking singer and I have charisma, but having to make a big costume just wasn't ideal. I'm going to a meeting at my HF next week about a musical and I'm terrified I won't get picked to do anything because I'm fat and it'll just be "too difficult".

And don't even get me started on the clothing. YES it needs to be made with more material, but put 2 large crap shirts from H&M's worth of material together and bam, probably a size that fits, it doesn't need to cost 5 times more for a basic fucking shirt. I need clothes on my body. Not being able to put clothes on my body won't make me automatically lose weight.

Also, basic big size working out clothes is impossible for me to find. Any basics to be honest. And it's so frustrating. And if they're somewhat cheap, it's old women fashion. Which isn't flattering for me at least.

We are intellignt, amazing, funny, charming, interesting, fantastic, beautiful, dorky, nerdy, everything and anything. We are people, we are humans. Don't treat us any less.

// Rant over

Berlin part III: Lush on Friedrichstrasse

Have you ever been to a Lush before?

I have. And I hated it. It was a tiny one at Victoria station in London and it was overwhelming and overpowering with smells and impressions. I haven't been to one since, but when I saw this one, I had to go take a look.

I was greeted by the the sweetest guy, I never got his name because I was flustered with impressions. He started to GLOW when he was I was carrying a camera, asked if I wanted to see a demonstration of a bath bomb to take pictures of. I couldn't say no, he was too cute.

He showed me how the things worked, we talked about what ingredients they use, even my brother got interested in their products. He washed my hands in some shower gel which smelled like sweets - and can I just say, he can was my hands all day, every day ;-)

IF YOU'RE REAdING THIS SALES MAN, I WILL MARRY YOUR HANdS

I was sold. I love Lush now. Their products are 100% vegetarian, some even vegan. They only use natural materials and safe synthetics. ANd THEY dON'T TEST ON ANIMALS!!!! I got a shampoo bar that's vegan, it's called Godiva, and so far I'm pleased. The smell is amazing. I'm going to make Sean my Lush pusher, so I can try out more things ;-)

I was born with antennas...

..... on top of my head. No one noticed, because only I can see them. As a young child, I never realised they were there. I was a bit sensitive, sure, but it never stopped me from making friends and going on adventures.

I grew older, my antennas grew with me. I felt things I didn't understand, I didn't know how to handle. I could suddenly feel angry, sad or extremely energetic. This was uncommon for me, I was very aware of my own feelings, of myself in general. But I never asked questions. I accepted it and went on with my days.

I would start feeling tense sometimes. Around certain people, I felt like I had to be on the tippiest of my toes. I felt overly aware of what was going on around me, even though I never understood. I knew my father's anger, I knew my mother's sadness. I felt them as my own.

I was a pre-teen when I realised what was going on. My grandfather had just died and that's what I saw how strange my antennas were. I realised I took on everyone else's feelings. My mother's frustration turned into my frustration, my grandmother's grief became mine too. I could sense everything.

The older I got, the worse it got. Now it wasn't just family or friends, but that person next to me on the train, I could sense something was up with them. I wasn't dealing with my grandfather's death very well, so having to feel everyone else's feelings on top of mine was sometimes too much.

I used to cut myself and drink alcohol to make it go away. Not the proper way of dealing with feelings, but I was confused and desperate. It dulled my own pain and the not so my own pain.

But my antennas aren't all bad. They taught me important things too. My sense of situation is amazing, I know when to keep in the background and when to ask questions. I know how to handle people in whatever mood they are, if I need to be direct or build up the conversation slowly. I take extra care of people and understand them better.

Sometimes it's still overwhelming. But sometimes it's nice enough, I like this little "secret" of mine.

Berlin part II: Touristing

Berlin Part I: Strolling around the area

"Only when I sit around, my mind suffers" - Thanks for the translation, Larissa ;-)