Starting school, last kiss and cactus baby

So... I finished my first week at school. Only a hell of a lot left now!!!! It was a lot less scary than I thought it would be. People are so nice and I'm sure a lot of people felt like I did, which was nervous as fucking hell. Luckily I already know the school so it also makes it less scary. I'm also lucky enough to have TWO!!! friends in the school too. Not in my class but still.

Being on my "happy pills" makes a huge difference too. I don't get the need to hide away in the bathroom at breaks, I can easily talk to people, I'm not shy to speak in class. I can even take the bus and train on my own. It has made such a huge difference in my life. I really think I can go through these 3 years without much trouble. I WILL graduate.

I have a hard time WANTING to make friends, but I'm accepting that because it doesn't mean I'm being mean to people or pushing them away, I'm just trying to settle. My main goal is just to finish these 3 years in school so I can move the hell out of here. Is that bad? Nah.

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Sean went back last night. I don't feel well, at all. I cried a lot before he left, but after? Nothing. I feel the tears trying to come out, but it's like my head won't let me.

I fell asleep with a t-shirt he left here, and I even woke up hugging it tight. It's just not the same. I always feel like this after we've been together. I feel hopeless, lonely, needy and whiny. But honestly? I'm fucking allowed. I just had to kiss my boyfriend for the last time. I probably won't see him again until June next year.  Just the thought makes my heart go "FUCK".

But I'll be okay. I'll be fine. We'll be perfectly fine. It's just hard right now. 

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Since I'm feeling pretty shitty, I've decided to make buttons! And is it any surprise I want to do cacti? I think not. I don't have any rough sketches yet or anything, and I'm not really planning on selling anything but if people like it, I MIGHT sell some. I'm thinking cacti, feminist sayings, sexualities, save different animals, shit like that. I'm excited. I can't buy materials until next months but that's fine, I need to focus on school and ye.

 I think I've done enough rambling for now. So I'll go make some lunch for tomorrow and tidy my room to get my mind of things.

How's your day? Tell me about how great your summer was!