Recently my dog, Buster, has not been feeling well. He's been looking rather blown up around the stomach area, has been panting a lot, hasn't been interested in food or water and when he got over excited, he would fall into a cramp like attack. We thought he was just having a moment, because he had something similar before - we rushed to the vet and he said it was low blood sugar, and this was over a year ago - but it continued. Today, 23rd of August, we went to the vet because both my mother and I were getting very worried about our little furry friend. First the vet, a she this time, went through the normal check up, only to find out he was fine. She luckily understood the seriousness, that we were convinced something was wrong with Buster, and she took him in for a blood test and scan. We waited at the vets for around an hour before another vet came out. She explained that Buster's liver was expanded and there's a leak in his heart chamber which causes blood to flow out and sit around the heart - which explains why he looks so blown up and when his heart beats faster, like when he gets excited, it takes so much energy on the heart and he faints.
The vet told us that they could drain the blood out and see how he is, or the only other option was to put him down. Buster has been with us for 10 years. He means a lot to us, so of course we wanted them to at least try and see what happens then. So he's staying over night. The vet called us not long ago, saying it went well, Buster is taking it well, and tomorrow the vet who's working will check up on him and hopefully he'll come home. But. Here comes the but part. But he needs a check up in a week to see if the blood floods out again. If it does, there's not much chance for him to live much longer without suffering. The vet also told us not to be overly optimistic.
And it's really taking it's toll on me. Buller is my best friend. He cuddles with me when I cry, he gets so excited when I come home. He may be loud, smelly, weird, grumpy and a tiny bit annoying, but he's my dog. He's my brother's dog and my mum's dog. We love him. And I'm so fucking scared to lose him. We got him a year after my grandfather died, and of course he couldn't replace grandpa, but it helped the healing process.
And now I have to accept the fact that I might lose my little puppy. (He's not a puppy, I know, but he's a puppy baby to me. Just an 11 year old puppy) And it's really hard. I have to adjust to not having Sean here, I have to accept not seeing him for 8 months. And a lot of other mentally draining things are happening in my life right now, and then this happens.
Any other dog - or even just any kind of pet - owners will know my pain. Dogs aren't just dogs. They are friends, life partners, soulmates. They love you no matter what. And you love them. They are a family member. And I'm scared I'll lose a family member. But I'm hoping for the best. I hope the little fighter of a dog I have, will make it. I hope with all my heart he'll be okay.
I know there's been a lot of personal posts lately, but it is after all my blog. But please send a thought to my little Buller. Hope with me. I'm not even religious but if you are, send a prayer. Thank you for reading.
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