..... on top of my head. No one noticed, because only I can see them. As a young child, I never realised they were there. I was a bit sensitive, sure, but it never stopped me from making friends and going on adventures.
I grew older, my antennas grew with me. I felt things I didn't understand, I didn't know how to handle. I could suddenly feel angry, sad or extremely energetic. This was uncommon for me, I was very aware of my own feelings, of myself in general. But I never asked questions. I accepted it and went on with my days.
I would start feeling tense sometimes. Around certain people, I felt like I had to be on the tippiest of my toes. I felt overly aware of what was going on around me, even though I never understood. I knew my father's anger, I knew my mother's sadness. I felt them as my own.
I was a pre-teen when I realised what was going on. My grandfather had just died and that's what I saw how strange my antennas were. I realised I took on everyone else's feelings. My mother's frustration turned into my frustration, my grandmother's grief became mine too. I could sense everything.
The older I got, the worse it got. Now it wasn't just family or friends, but that person next to me on the train, I could sense something was up with them. I wasn't dealing with my grandfather's death very well, so having to feel everyone else's feelings on top of mine was sometimes too much.
I used to cut myself and drink alcohol to make it go away. Not the proper way of dealing with feelings, but I was confused and desperate. It dulled my own pain and the not so my own pain.
But my antennas aren't all bad. They taught me important things too. My sense of situation is amazing, I know when to keep in the background and when to ask questions. I know how to handle people in whatever mood they are, if I need to be direct or build up the conversation slowly. I take extra care of people and understand them better.
Sometimes it's still overwhelming. But sometimes it's nice enough, I like this little "secret" of mine.
